SPOILER ALERT: If you want to do The Artist’s Way, start here before reading this post.

The end is always the beginning. We say this all the time in our Hopeful World classes. The end of one thing, the beginning of another. So here we are at the end of The Artist’s Way! I really didn’t plan to have it coincide with Passover AND Easter! What is the cosmic significance of that?! Emancipation and resurrection!!! A little synchronicity right here on the blog, friends!

Recovering a Sense of Faith

What’s funny is that I didn’t realize I had lost my faith but upon reflection I think I did. Around this same time last year, I was really committed to swimming upstream and doing things I had no business doing for the sake of doing something “important.”

A couple of weeks ago, I sat across the table from Danielle and cried. I couldn’t help it. As much as I generally and genuinely want to put on a happy face for the world this process of exposing myself and my art every day has required all my courage. I have to battle that inner voice that says, Oh puleeeease, you’re not starving or in danger of being gunned down by warlords. You’re drawing! And another thing… YOU’RE DRAWING!!!

I told Danielle that for the first time (maybe ever), I feel the wobbliness of being really vulnerable—not hiding behind Suzanne who is supporting moms in the so very important role of birthing and raising our future or Jen, who is creating a whole new Hopeful World! Their “bliss” surely are more worthy of attention. And Danielle reminded me that what I’m doing (yes, drawing!) is important in a different way and showing my kids what courage looks like.

How apropos, seeing as it was my daughter who inspired me to get to this point. She’s always saying, “My mom is an artist.” I finally heard it. I finally saw what she saw, mirrored back to me. And I was scared… because what is an artist that doesn’t make art? How can I expect my children to claim themselves if I couldn’t?

The clarity and wisdom of my 13 year old (who seven years ago picked the name “Faith” as her online persona), the quiet persistence of my elders, and the encouragement of my friends—all of these got me here, to the last chapter of The Artist’s Way in 2015.

What’s different? What do I know now after this 12-week journey? To be honest, I was kind of expecting a big reveal, like on the home makeover shows… when the homeowner comes back and discovers something she never ever expected was possible!!! And yet, it’s still her stuff in the room—minus a few things and plus a few things and put together in a way she didn’t think of before. What did my “person makeover” reveal?

So simple: I’m an artist. I always have been. But now I make art. Every. Day.

That’s what it means to be an artist: make art—good art, bad art, art that people love, art that people buy, art that people don’t care for, art that no one sees—it makes no difference. My job is to make it. That is enough. It seems so simple and yet, not so easy.

Julia’s parting thoughts in The Artist’s Way are on Sacred Circles—of creating a community that nurtures creativity and art. We all need a tribe.

The End is the Beginning

So again, a synchronicity. Without knowing what was coming in Chapter 12, I had the urge to start a monthly art giveaway for members of my tribe. The first Share Sunday is tomorrow, Easter/Passover Sunday!

Also this month, we’ll begin the Artist’s Sketch series. I’m inviting other artists to share their thoughts on creativity and the artist’s life, in short form. Not an hour-long audio or 30-minute video or 200-page memoir. Just a “sketch”— a 5-question Q&A that can be taken in like a warm and welcome cup of tea.

Please Join Me

Please join me in creating a Sacred Circle right here on the blog. If this feels like nectar to you, I invite you to be part of it. Sign up for your monthly gift of art AND a heads up of each Artist’s Sketch as they happen.

First Name:

Email:

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your presence here holds me up and means the world.

The Artist’s Way Posts

Week 1: Recovering a Sense of Safety
Week 2: Recovering a Sense of Identity
Week 3: Recovering a Sense of Power
Week 4: Recovering a Sense of Integrity
Week 5: Recovering a Sense of Possibility
Week 6: Recovering a Sense of Abundance
Week 7: Recovering a Sense of Connection
Week 8: Recovering a Sense of Strength
Week 9: Recovering a Sense of Compassion
Week 10: Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection
Week 11: Recovering a Sense of Autonomy
Week 12: Recovering a Sense of Faith

Keep going! Only 3 more chapters to go… which will mark the very first time I’ve made it all the way through The Artist’s Way. We can totally do this!

DON’T TURN BACK NOW! That’s the main gist of Chapter 9, actually. Julia shares lots of stories of people who consciously (or unconsciously) sabotage their creative lives. There are all sorts of ways that fear can start to undermine what we’re doing. It can present itself in different forms but when it comes down to it, it’s just plain ol’ fear. I’ve totally felt it… during Chapter 7, during Chapter 8 and now. This is the part where Coehlo’s “Beginner’s Luck” starts to run out and you are running and running and thinking omg, what was I thinking? There’s no end to this. I should just go back over there to my cozy little box and screw this Hero’s Journey nonsense! That’s for the movies! The real deal is way to hard, long, scary.

Stick with it.

Speaking of Hero’s Journey, there’s actually a part of that cycle that’s called Crossing the First Threshold. Perhaps this is it, the time when you meet some resistance that tests your commitment to the transformation you wished for. It’s when the universe tests you, saying Are you for real? If you’re for real, you’ll keep going.

Keep going!

I’m going to keep going. I hope you will to.

p.s. Wait. Where’s the compassion part? It’s in calling a spade a spade… you’re NOT lazy or unfocused or not committed or whatever judgements you are throwing at yourself right now about your artistic/creative life. You’re AFRAID! Call it what it is: FEAR. Name your fears, bring them into the light, love them and KEEP GOING! 😀 You’ve got this.

She says. To herself.

“Pray to catch the bus then run as fast as you can.”

Creativity is a spiritual issue. This.
This here, my friends, is the crux of Chapter 5. And probably why I’m having all sorts of issues writing about it. The title of the chapter is Recovering a Sense of Possibility and that is tied up with all sorts of other things like worthiness and propriety and faith….

This may be where I throw in the towel and say, yeah, you should go buy the book because I’m not going to come close to doing it justice. I’ll do my best.

I supposed there’s no way to write about creativity without reference to the Creator–with a capital C. Perhaps you know this feeling too when you are writing, singing, painting, dancing—of not being the only one it the room. According to Julia, this is where our sense of possibility comes from, the belief that we are not limited by our own abilities. Through our connection to Source, we are truly unlimited! Our job is to tap into that river of possibility.

In order for me to recover this sense of possibility, I have to accept that I have access to this unlimited supply, just like you or anyone else does. Any limitations I have are based on a belief system of scarcity and lack that I’ve inherited or learned. This, Julia says, is not natural and not real.

But I do get some kind of secondary benefit(s) from maintaining this belief system. So the task of this chapter is to unearth the ways I sabotage myself to stay stuck. Hmmmm.

If I stay stuck then…
I suppose I wouldn’t have to put my art out there and have it be rejected.
I wouldn’t have to turn my art into work.
I wouldn’t have to take this thing that I loved and “produce it” to death (as Ira Glass says).
I would have to be a grown-up artist, whatever that is.
I might have to embrace an artist’s life, and you know I had/have all those ideas about what that is.
I also might have to give up some stuff… like acceptance and belonging. Whut?

Our culture puts a lot of value in being nice, good, unselfish, helpful. We give up so much of ourselves, our energy, our time just so that we can be perceived by our spouses, children, co-workers and parents as… those things. But at what cost? If we are not conscious of it, at the cost of our art and that true self of ours. I guess that’s why so many artists are known for being curmudgeony hermits! This is all in the book, I swear.

So if I were to pretend for a minute that I’m NOT nice or good but rather selfish and unhelpful, what would I do?

These are the questions Julia asks of us. If you are doing this, speed write your answers — quickly, answer as fast as you can, no editing allowed!

• What are five things I would try if they weren’t so crazy?
• What are five things I would do if they weren’t too selfish?
• What are 5 things I love and would love to do but am not allowed to do.

And, finish this sentence…. 20 times!

I wish ___________________________________________

This list of “forbidden joys” is your true self talking. Is it surprising? Julia says she’s astonished at how mean and miserly her students are to themselves!!!

So by doing stuff like writing down wish lists down and entertaining possibilities (yes, daydreaming) Julia says we begin to reconnect with Source and thus, creativity. I know, I keep saying “Julia says” because in all honestly, I’m a work in progress on this. I am a teeter totter, going from extremes of faith and doubt.

The only thing I seem to do consistently is just show up: writing, drawing, making.

“Pray to catch the bus then run as fast as you can.” I can do that. This is, after all, my theme word for 2015: Craft.

I can keep running.
When the bus shows up, I’m always a little surprised. 🙂

The Artist’s Way Posts

Week 1: Recovering a Sense of Safety
Week 2: Recovering a Sense of Identity
Week 3: Recovering a Sense of Power
Week 4: Recovering a Sense of Integrity
Week 5: Recovering a Sense of Possibility
Week 6: Recovering a Sense of Abundance
Week 7: Recovering a Sense of Connection
Week 8: Recovering a Sense of Strength
Week 9: Recovering a Sense of Compassion
Week 10: Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection
Week 11: Recovering a Sense of Autonomy
Week 12: Recovering a Sense of Faith

Officially, the chapter’s title is “Recovering a Sense of Integrity.” But for me, this is where things start getting real. First off, SPOILER ALERT! This is the chapter where Julia reveals something kinda important. So if you haven’t been following along and doing your morning pages, artist’s date and chapter tasks, you might want to STOP HERE, turn around and go back to Chapter One or wherever you left off. I say this because I’m not sure if finding out this key piece of information without doing the exercises up to this point will ruin it’s effectiveness. Okay?

You’ve been warned. Proceed at your own risk.

“If you want to work on your art, work on your life” ~ Chekhov

That seems to be the theme of Chapter 4. Julia adds this juicy morsel to that, “In order to have self expression, we must first have a self to express.”

So here’s the spoiler, folks. The you that’s been showing up every day in your morning pages, that’s the real you. Yup, the whiny, complainy, angry, irritated one? That’s you.

The one that puts a smile on and says, Everything’s fine; the accepting, nice, tolerant self is just the self you put on for show.

But if you knew that piece of info to begin with and were instructed to write down your real feelings in your morning pages, rather than getting, Whatevs. Just write down whatever pops in your head, no biggie, you’d be editing yourself there too. So Julia comes at this sideways, trying to sidestep our mental editor into revealing ourselves to ourselves. Make sense?

The point of the morning pages is to get us passed It’s okay, when it’s really not. And you know those days when you just don’t want to do them or just don’t do them at all, it’s probably because if you did, you’d gain some unpleasant piece of clarity about yourself. If you’re like me, when you are emotionally triggered by anything at all, you’re not going to want to do the morning pages. I try rationalizing my evasive maneuvers — I’m running late, it’s too cold, it’s too early — by telling myself that wallowing in whatever crap I’m feeling is just going to make it worse anyway. But the truth is that writing all of it down, unedited, is one of the best way to process and then reflect on what’s going on in my internal world.

Here’s the kicker for all of us artists. If we don’t connect with our emotions, there is no art.

Sorry, folks. It’s the truth. I spent the first 36 years of my life convincing myself that everything was okay because I didn’t want to feel any discomfort, pain or suffering. That’s all well and good except that when you block out all that stuff, you don’t feel anything at all. You don’t feel love, joy, connection…. and then life is what? Just sleeping, eating and laundry.

Remember my earlier post about my false beliefs about artists. You don’t have to suffer to be an artist. But you do have to feel something. And that, requires feeling whatever suffering comes along with the other stuff. If you’ve ever watched Finding Nemo, one of my favorite lines is where Nemo’s dad says, “I promised him that I would never let anything happen to him.” And Dori says, “That’s a funny thing to promise. Then nothing will ever happen to him.”

On the plus side, when I consistently do my morning pages, I don’t just get the problems, I usually get clarity and I get answers too. Again, there are lots of people who subscribe to this method of raising self-consciousness. One of my favorites is Janet Conner, author of Writing Down Your Soul.

Now you see why I say everything starts getting real right here in Chapter 4? Thoughts might start to appear in morning pages like “I have outgrown this job/home/marriage/friend.” Eek.

Julia says the process of knowing ourselves involves loss as well as gain. We clarify what of ourselves is real and what is illusory… and this kind of clarity creates change. Does that sound scary to you? That’s okay. I mean, it’s okay to admit that you’re scared of it, you don’t have to say that it’s okay. 🙂

I have no reassurances to offer except that if you keep going, the prize at the end is YOU. For some people, that’s worth it.

Chapter 4’s task: Reading Deprivation. Another eek! I know, right?

Julia says words are like tiny tranquilizers for most artists. If we give up reading, we force ourselves into the sensory world. Another way to think about it is to get out of your head! Reading is a great way to fill our heads with other people’s thoughts so that we can avoid our own thoughts and feelings. So. NO READING! The book was written before the internet (I know!!!) So that means… no Twitter, no Facebook, no Medium. And if the point is to be fully present, I’m making the assumption that this means no media as well.

You can be scared.

Of course, I’m also doing a 5-day cleanse right now. No food, no reading. What the heck will I do with myself?!?!?! Julia has some suggestions:
Listen to music
Wash the dog
Sort closets
Write friends
Repot plants
Pay bills

Okay, I’m sure we can come up with better suggestions!!! Mend. She actually suggests “mend.”
Sorry, I’m a little crabby, I’m at the end of Day 2 of 5.

Check in if you wish… how many days have you done your morning pages? Artist’s date? Any experiences of synchronicity to report

I’ll signing off the blog until next week’s check-in… since you won’t be READING until next week, right? 🙂

The Artist’s Way Posts

Week 1: Recovering a Sense of Safety
Week 2: Recovering a Sense of Identity
Week 3: Recovering a Sense of Power
Week 4: Recovering a Sense of Integrity
Week 5: Recovering a Sense of Possibility
Week 6: Recovering a Sense of Abundance
Week 7: Recovering a Sense of Connection
Week 8: Recovering a Sense of Strength
Week 9: Recovering a Sense of Compassion
Week 10: Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection
Week 11: Recovering a Sense of Autonomy
Week 12: Recovering a Sense of Faith