Ria Sharon

pondering creativity, process, and making art

What You Want

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etsy-printable-letter

I’m finding that so much of this journey is discovering where  you want to go—what you really and truly want to create. It sounds so trite on this side of that little piece of insight. But it’s so not plain when you start out. And how can it be?! We ask our kids at various times, what do you want to be when you grow up? And they answer astronauts and ballerinas and veterinarians but they have no idea what  that really  means other than the images they see in slick movie and TV shows. How are they supposed to know that getting to the moon requires all sorts of MATH?!!

I joke that I lost my way when I was around eight or nine and I realized that being a vet meant giving dogs shots and putting them down.

My new line of questioning is more along the lines of “What do you actually do…  like describe your ideal day.” A lot of times people’s answers don’t necessarily match up with the fancy title they have as their “goal.”

I need quiet.
I need light.
I need a pretty space to work that I can call my own.
I love to do things with my hands.
I like the feeling of being connected to nature.
I love “parallel play” — working alongside others but working independently.
I want validation and appreciation.
I work best within a structure.
Occasional dance parties are good for my soul. 🙂

This list is a work in progress but it feels good being able to say these things… and even better realizing that this list very much reflects my current experience.

Chapter 10: Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection

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nest-2colorI can see the light the the end of the tunnel. Week 10. Can you believe it? Only 2 more to go. It’s weird to think about how much has changed, just since the beginning of the year. And yet, I am so impatient. I want “things” to happen faster! I think Oh my goodness, it’s already the end of March. The only thing that’s flying by is time. I want to be able to make more art and more listings and there never seems to be enough time. So there’s a part of me that’s saying Whew! Two more weeks and I’m done with AW but really, what does that mean? I’m still doing the morning pages and the artist’s dates… but I think I’m ready for a break in unearthing crap. Seriously. What’s come up for me recently is FEAR. I can see how much it drives my choices and my behavior and I know that I’m kinda afraid every week of what unconscious limiting belief I’m surely going to discover this week! So yeah, I’m ready for a break from THAT.

This week, Rediscovering Our Sense of Self-Protection… is about being totally honest about the things we do to keep ourselves blocked. Our addictions. You don’t have to have a substance abuse problem to be an addict. There are those of us who are addicted to food or controlling what we eat, exercise, work, approval, worrying… all sorts of things that keep us from looking at the real stuff — the stuff that makes us uncomfortable. I think those things I listed are especially challenging because they are not “poison” the way alcohol or drugs are. You can rationalize them to say they are good for you… like a low carb diet or exercise or fulfilling all your obligations or being a hard worker. But I think Julia’s point is that we still have to protect our art and our creativity from falling to the bottom of our list. If I’ve learned anything from this process it’s that we have to prioritize the things that bring us joy. Period. Otherwise, what’s the point.

So here we are in Week 10. What’s coming up for you? Have you kept up with your morning pages and artist’s dates? How do you feeeeel?

The Artist’s Way Posts

Week 1: Recovering a Sense of Safety
Week 2: Recovering a Sense of Identity
Week 3: Recovering a Sense of Power
Week 4: Recovering a Sense of Integrity
Week 5: Recovering a Sense of Possibility
Week 6: Recovering a Sense of Abundance
Week 7: Recovering a Sense of Connection
Week 8: Recovering a Sense of Strength
Week 9: Recovering a Sense of Compassion
Week 10: Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection
Week 11: Recovering a Sense of Autonomy
Week 12: Recovering a Sense of Faith

Finding the Warmth

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My first artist’s date per The Artist’s Way: the climatron at the Botanical Gardens.
Why? Well, it’s freezing here!!!
Loved all the patterns. Really looking forward to drawing some of these.

photo credit: Henry
© Ria Sharon

Baby Announcement: Class of 2033

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Not my baby!

Just baby announcements.

My achilles heel is stopping short. I can have a solid concept but I have a tendency to say, Good enough! long before it really is great. So I decided to submit to Minted.com’s baby announcement challenge to see if “social design” would push me past my natural stopping point.

Step-by-step as follows…
sketches


drawing


inking

color palette


first submission

So… this is the point where I would stick a fork in it! 🙂
But I got lots of great feedback from the Minted community. Obviously, I’m a little enamored by my hand-lettering and was jumping at the chance to do this vintage collegiate thing but considering that the point of a baby announcement is to feature the baby… I gradually toned down the graphic elements.

revision 2
revision 3
revision 4


I must admit, I LOVED doing the challenge! It was incredibly helpful to get input but it was also a great feeling being part of a community working on something together, so to speak. It was equally fulfilling providing constructive feedback to other. So yeah… I’m Minted! 🙂
There are so many amazing designs so who knows if I’ll place but regardless, I think the process really helped my end product. Voting begins on Jan. 12, I think.

© Ria Sharon

The Artist’s Way: Permission to be a Beginner

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Remember that in order to recover as an artist, you must be willing to be a bad artist. Give yourself permission to be a beginner. By willing to be a bad artist, you have a chance to be an artist, and perhaps, over time, a very good one.

When I make this point in teaching, I am met by instant defensive hostility: “But do you know how old I will be by the time I learn to really play the piano/act/paint/write a decent play?”

Yes… the same age you will be if you don’t.
So let’s start.
~ Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way

At a New Year’s Eve party last night, a friend of mine casually mentioned that she had picked up The Artist’s Way and thought of me! This is the third time that the book has entered my awareness in the last six weeks—a sure sign that I’m supposed to do something with it.

The Artist’s Way has been around for years. I received it as a graduation gift 20 years ago but at the time, my artist was in deep hibernation. Like, really deep! Like, the book may as well have been written in a foreign language! And, I have to admit that I’ve never finished it all the way through but realize now that many of my own practices as well as those that I’ve prescribed for others who I’ve coached were inspired by this book.

If the book intimidates you, I’m thinking of boiling it down to it’s essentials here and see if that works better for you.

What a perfect way to kick off 2015! 12 weeks of nurturing creativity! Who’s in? If this feels like just the right thing for you and you want a little accountability, join me. This is my accountability!!! ;P

I’ll do weekly check-in’s on Mondays—for Chapter 1 on January 26 (…to give you time to decide/get book/get acclimated etc. to join the fun.)

Bare Essentials for Chapter 1:
1. Morning Pages: This used to be killer for me. Now, it’s not. For a) I use my Moleskin journals which are 3.5 x 5.5! 🙂

If all you do is fill 3 pages every day with all the reasons why you feel wobbly and inadequate as an artist, it has served it’s purpose. For reals. This a great place to contain your Inner Critic.

2. Artist’s Date: If you need ideas, click the link. But simply and most importantly, spend at least 2-3 hours 1x weekly doing something you absolutely love, that brings you joy, that fills up your creative well.

3. If you have the book, pick any one of the tasks Julia describes for Chapter 1. If you don’t have the book, do this one that has worked really well for me and my artist friends:

A Day in Your Dream Life
If you could do/be anything, what would it be and what does a regular day of that life look like. Paint the picture for yourself, use descriptive words! 😉 What time do you wake up? And what time do you go to bed? What’s the first thing you do? Where are you? What do you do for most of the day? Describe how it feels to live this way. Describe how you are in this life.

You can add a comment below—what you did for your artist’s date. If you feel like sharing your dream life you can or simply write “done” if you’ve completed your tasks or “2” for number of hours you spent nurturing your artist child.

Happy New Year!
Until soon….

© Ria Sharon

Nothing is wasted

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That’s one of Jen’s “T-shirt statements.” You know, like the thing you believe with enough conviction to wear on a t-shirt. Like a bumper sticker for your personhood. So if you’re run over by a bus wearing that shirt, you would be okay with that thing essentially being your last words, hanging like a thought bubble—your own personal billboard for people to people to remember what you believed enough to put on a shirt.

Nothing is wasted.

… not my first graphic design internship where for over a year all I used was Illustrator.
… not my first job as a designer where I used Photoshop for 10 hour days and 80 hour weeks.

I do know how to use the tools. I can digitize type. I can use filters. I can make crazy cast shadows  using masks and alpha channels. I can blend textures to get the exact effect I want. I could take 10 years off your face, easy! And prep the file to print on a bus wrap!

But what I don’t know right now is how I want the letters to look and how to draw them. Because this.

So I’ll be over here with my No. 2 pencil.

© Ria Sharon

This is the part where I suck.

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Have you ever listened Ira Glass’ thing on storytelling?

BTW, I love Ira Glass. I just saw his show, One Radio Show and Two Dancers last month at Wash U. Totally see it if you get the chance. Love the segment where he talks about passion… and that if you are lucky enough to do what you love for a living you get to do it day after day, over and over again until… you beat the life out of it. Or something like that. I may be totally misquoting him.

I digress.

In this video, he talks about how creative people get into creative work because they have good taste. But, when you start making stuff yourself (because you have good taste), what you are able to make really isn’t that good. Your taste is killer and that’s why you think your work sucks because it falls short of what you think it should be. So Ira says, a lot of people never get past this phase because they quit, thinking, I’m never gonna be any good at this. 🙂

So yeah, that’s happening.

But lucky for me, Ira reminds everyone that this is totally normal and the key is … volume.

It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions.

I think he might also say that it takes a couple of years to bridge the gap so … you know, don’t look… until 2017, k?

© Ria Sharon

Weekly Word

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I’ve been bitten by the lettering bug and really want to master this skill. What better time to start something than with the coming new year, right? And what better way to learn something than… to do it. A lot. And, what better way to do it a lot than to say, in a somewhat public way, that you will.

So I’m giving myself a once-a-week prompt to draw a word, any word, and post it on this blog. There’s nothing like the discomfort of being not good at something… yet. Right? To illustrate, yes, I inked “Weekly Word” eight times. I’m still not happy with it but oh well.

This practice is for hand lettering. I want to stay off the computer as much as possible and really focus on practicing the craft of drawing the letters/words. No digitizing, no adding effects in Illustrator, no colorizing, blah, blah, blah.

Okay, so this week’s word: SWEET

© Ria Sharon

cozy

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Since my last post, in which I was kicking and screaming and moaning, I’m pleased to report that now… I am not. I’m finding a certain exquisite beauty in the dark.

It’s fascinating, this observing of myself as I swim around, upended by loss and grieving — not just the physical death of people I love — but other, psychic deaths. Letting go of seasons of my life, letting go of the life I thought I was creating for myself, letting go of expectation, dreams, ambition.
So stripped of those things, what’s left?
Does that frighten you? To think that there is a place as dark as this, where we are brought to our knees to contemplate our bare selves? I suppose it’s optional. You don’t have to sign up for that program. Really.
I’m a little fuzzy about the exact moment when I myself placed the order for this much suffering. It might have been that time beginning years back when I started asking perilous questions like, who am I? And what am I doing here?
So here’s some advice for the faint of heart. Keep the lights on and… don’t ask!!!! lol
But if you just can’t help yourself, perhaps it will bring you comfort to hear that after being stripped of those things, I discovered that I am not those expectations and dreams after all. And even having been stripped of ambition, it turns out, I can still get up in the morning and make a bowl of oatmeal. And breathe.
It may not seem like so much to you, especially if there is still some unachieved goal you are driving toward. But for me, this experience is profound… it’s like crawling into a womb, a naked, barely alive thing. In the womb I was not my resumé, or my roles, or even my dreams and ambitions. In the womb, I was no more than a pulsing heart and a breath, quite cozy and content to stay in the safety of this darkness, accepting of this world just as it is. And held.
And that’s what I’m discovering in this state of darkness as well. Acceptance — of myself as I am, of the conditions of the world as they are. Just breathing.
© Ria Sharon

In the dark

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I avoid painting at night.

In the dark, the colors inadvertently get muddy, the contrast gets all flattened out, making it difficult to tell where one thing ends and another begins.

But for this piece, I watched the sun set beyond the trees at the seminary down the street, it’s last rays momentarily blinding me with their grasping light through the western studio windows. I decided to keep on.

I was struggling with it anyway, wrestling with the forms that I so wanted to keep in the dark: fear, doubt, worry, danger… all the “UN” words… UNworthiness, UNloved — the exact opposites of my dreams and desires. But is it really so binary? Black and white? Shadow and light? Inside and outside?

One of the very first exercises I was given in my freshman drawing class was the relationship between positive and negative spaces; the rendering of one defining the other. Is it the same with worry and ease, unworthiness and worthiness, doubt and certainty? It seems rather obvious and simple but truly… what is one without the other? What would happen to my experience of ease if every one of my days were spent sipping mai tais by the pool?

It’s a common exercise in the self-development circles these days, to clearly delineate between what you want and don’t want. To know. To be certain what’s inside and what’s outside of your boundaries. That was my intention when I started this mini-project and shared it with you. But what do I inadvertently lose when I put up a hard edge against perceived danger? And is there something I gain from embracing it all? When the contrast gets all flattened out… all of it begins to seem like part of one big thing.

Waaaaah! Say it ain’t so!!!

I’ve been struggling so much lately with acceptance — accepting that what I want to run from could turn out to be a blessing. And that trying to sift out what I want from what I don’t want could be a form of trickery and manipulation on my part. That in fact, there is no form not shaped by it’s shadow.

It all starts looks the same in the dark.

I read this quote from Janet Connor: “To feel really safe, you must first step out into the unknown, experience fear, and discover all is well.”

© Ria Sharon

Hidden Drivers

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Belonging.
Ease.
Safety.
Love.
Peace.
Security.
Worthiness.

These are the words I hear again and again, the things so many of us hunger for. As I glued down each word, it occurred to me that these essential feelings that I hunger for and that you hunger for are the exact same things that drive us forward. Belonging and Love and Worthiness are the kinds of deep longings that compel us to push off from Where We Are to Where We Want to Be.

Tell me if this is true for you.

I know that Safety and Belonging sent me on a journey across the globe in search of a different life and family. The draw of Ease and Security weighed heavily in my choice to marry and whom to marry.

And Worthiness? This one gnaws at me still. It colors my work, my relationships, even what books I read. 😀

But… the power we have when we can name our hunger! I felt my heartbeat quicken at the thought of putting them on the plate, in plain sight.

I invite you to muse with me… imagine what it would be like to taste Ease and Peace and Love.

What would that nourishment feel like? What parts of you would come alive when your particular hunger is abated?

© Ria Sharon

What do you hunger for?

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This is not
the age of information.

This is not
the age of information.

Forget the news,
and the radio,
and the blurred screen.

This is the time
of loaves 
and fishes.

People are hungry
and one good word is bread
for a thousand.

  — David Whyte
      from The House of Belonging
      ©1996 Many Rivers Press

I first heard this poem read out loud at Kimberly and Mary Lou Schneider’s Poetry as A Spiritual Practice retreat. I think that part of my soul that hungered began to stir. You know, like tuning forks — the way they begin to vibrate at the same frequency even across a room. With my eyes closed and actually hearing those words spoken out loud, I began to understand that we all hunger for something, even in this age of everything-you-could-possibly-want-on-Amazon!
And, that it’s okay to name my hunger, to need…
sweetness
and comfort
and security
— the flavors of a childhood memory;

the taste and texture of the fresh juicy mango that waits for me on a plate after my afternoon siesta.

What do you hunger for?

Today, I give you permission to taste it and feel it… and want it. And if you need someone to hold it for you, write it to me at (help)@hopefulworld.org and I can add it to the plate.

Just like loaves and fishes… when our words come together, we feed thousands.

© Ria Sharon

Yes, I’m blushing

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I’m just a little flattered and more than a little surprised that anyone cares about my process. And cared enough to ask. But you asked so… perhaps there’s a little part of you too that wants to see an example of how one goes about going from an empty canvas to something, anything. Or, maybe as a creative being yourself, you’re feeling stuck in one way of doing things and need a little nudge from the world outside your own head. If so, feel free to spend the next few minutes in mine!

As a matter of personal growth (of course!), I took on the task of approaching the particular project I’m sharing as a capacity-building exercise because I’m notoriously intolerant of “process” …you know, the messy thing that takes place between the moment you get an assignment/job/project/inspiration and the instant when you can check off the box next to it that says it’s complete?

The images you see here is documentation of what transpired at the dining room table over a period of days, during a full weekend of family activities — including improvising makeshift beds for out of town guests, cooking and eating shared meals, napping with puppies, singing out loud, and hosting a sleepover for 11-year old girls.
I discovered that a cure for the need to control the process is… CHAOS!
A Little Background
I was granted the high honor of creating art for a soon-to-be-released online offering created by three women I admire very much, experts in their respective fields who were stepping forth to bring together a body of work called Your Emotional Wisdom. I was more than a little daunted, because the content is so good, so foundational, so transformational. Of course, my little mental gremlin started up immediately and I began to doubt my ability/capacity to create a body of art that would do justice to this work.
You can see my starting point here, a rather complex illustration that visually depicts the process by which our emotions influence our interactions and relationships. My aunt who happened to be visiting and is a 20 plus-year veteran Counseling Psychologist calls it my “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Mandala!”
My second stab at a solution, with the hero graphic of the anatomical heart, felt waaaay too serious and heavy-handed, like my own state of mind at the time which was trying too hard to be taken seriously! 🙂
With Jen’s coaching, I shifted gears and made a conscious decision to “just play.” I told myself that nothing I did was with the intention of being anything other than quick studies… doodles that could potentially inform the vocabulary for something later in the week but in and of themselves were nothing. Make bad art!, Jen said.
You can imagine how challenging this was for me to spend time doing something without a clear purpose in mind, a “waste of time,” when you know, who has time to waste? I had a deadline and 30 paintings to finish!!!!
I read through the lessons for Your Emotional Wisdom. One of the concepts my friends, the instructors address, is that wisdom is held in our bodies and in our emotions but all too often, we are stuck in our heads.
Hmmm… sounds familiar. What answers and solutions could come if I were to move out into my actual, physical body?
Okay, I’m game, in part because I was truly stuck the other way. I don’t know about you but my gremlin lives in my head so at the very least, I might escape the inner critic long enough to get something, anything down on paper.
I took my paints and papers out into the dining room where my aunt and daughter were crafting together and absentmindedly dabbed at colors while listening to their chatter and my daughter’s Pandora station set to Pitch Perfect. Once in awhile, I’d browse through their beadwork magazines and let myself be inspired by their stack of plastic containers full of candy-colored beads.
I took the dog for a walk, pulled weeds from my fledgling flower bed, and snapped a couple of pics on my phone of the clematis climbing the back wall and a few of the daylilies that had finally burst open. Flowers began to weave their way into my sketches.
Roses… Peonies… Impatiens…
I did a “body scan,” as the instructors of Your Emotional Wisdom suggest… softening. opening. unfolding. radiating.
Like flowers!
More flowers… a morning glory (my grandmother’s favorite)… with a secret glowing star in each bloom. This is what drew Georgia in, I imagine, the intimations of vast universes held within.
I kept on, allowing my feeling body to lead the way down a path that seemed so much less effort-filled, and noticed a style beginning to emerge. What do you know! My body did have an answer after all! Here’s where I ended up!

… now to do 30 more!!!

Do you have a creative process that’s working for you right now? Do you work with your body and feelings too?

That’s right. I am asking… and curious and interested in your process… and wildly grateful for YOU!
© Ria Sharon

Gremlins

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Or, more truly, I struggle with whether what I say is worth saying…
Is it useful? Is it helpful? Why bother?
Jen says the act of self-expression alone is worth it.
I try to believe her.
I let the paint flow as an act of defiance against the inner gremlin who tells me, 
“Who gives a crap?!”
The piece above is a page from my journal. No perfection necessary here.
It began with an activity we do in The Story of You called Where I’m From.
I filled in the blanks and used what came as inspiration, in stolen minutes over a few days, in between shuttling kids to and fro, from working and packing lunches, and folding laundry….
Those few minutes were magic.
I found Peace there. And Presence. And Delight. The kind of things that made me a little more generous with my kids, a little more loving with my partner, a little calmer, a little more fun to be around! 🙂
Maybe this is the point? …that normally silenced voice finally getting some airtime and feeling validated and heard. Maybe it’s true… self-expression feeds our souls.
So there, gremlin!
Do you know this gremlin? Has she silenced some part of you that wants to be expressed? Join me in telling her to eff off, in the kindest, gentlest, firmest way of course… by putting pen to paper, brush to paint, by allowing the wild dance to take hold in your body, or the song to sprout from your lips.
Are you in?
You can start where I did, if you want… download and print the PDF here, adapted from a poem by George Ella Lyan. I give you permission to steal minutes from your responsible grown-up life to scribble and color or dance silly dances or sing out loud or all of the above. YOU. Are. Worth. it.
And I would love, love, love… (more than a chocolate sundae!) to hear what insight the voice inside has to tell you. I’m cheering for you!
© Ria Sharon