pondering creativity, process, and making art
Little 1: That’s nice. But it would be better if they weren’t dead.
Me: It’s what’s in front of me right now.
It is Good Friday in the Christian world. Things die today. And as is said in one of my favorite musicals, The Fantasticks, “… we must all die a bit before we grow again.”
Happy holiday weekend! Wow! Easter and Passover all rolled into one. Bring out the matzo bunnies!
When I was a kid, I was obsessed with finding the golden egg at the annual Easter Egg Hunt, for the sole reason of winning the real live bunny they awarded the winner! I never did.
I’m clearly a grown up now because I’ll take the Lindt chocolate bunnies over the real live bunny any day! Unless the bunny poops chocolate. Then maybe.
It’s with delight and honor that I’m introducing my bunny birthday collection, inspired by the talented ceramic artist, Alisha Katz Hastings-Kimball of Songbird Studios. You’ll be hearing more about her soon. ;P For now, know that she is the creator of the bunny cake toppers and magic spoons!
A few years ago, I got to attend the inaugural COCABiz Spark conference. The keynote was Kevin Carroll, “Katalyst” play advocate, author of The Rules of the Red Rubber Ball.
He set the stage well for the importance of play in the workplace. During that 1.5 day conference, I got to learn negotiating skills in a dulcimer jam session and leadership through Argentine tango! Not only was it really fun and playful but I learned real, applicable skills—ones that I’ve used on a regular basis since then.
Why the chairs? Well, last week, thanks to the universe, the university and Chris, I had the pleasure of yet another workshop at COCA. It was reminder of some things that Kevin said in his talk—how play facilitates teamwork, encourages risktaking, innovative problem-solving, and ignites creativity. This time, we worked with Robert Morgan, Senior Lecturer in Scenic Design. We designed chairs.
Our team really does design things together but all digital things and I learned so much about our internal processes specifically because we were working in a physical, non-work-related, low-risk environment. It was that freaky yet cool world’s colliding kinda thing to be coloring with my colleagues. Going along with what I said in my chapter 11 post, I find that opportunities to get out of my head yield so much. It was great validation for “the power of play.”
So hat tip to the Digital Communications Team. My #48dayscreative piece for today… CHAIRS!
I love my job. I think I’ve mentioned that before. I have an almost irrational appreciation for all the things my job affords me… perhaps most significantly, right now, my job gives me freedom. I know, that sounds counter-intuitive. I spent ten years in the trenches of the entrepreneurial world where freedom from the 9-5 was glorified ad nauseum. But I have to say, I love the container of my 9-5. I really like being part of something bigger than myself, with an established history and footprint. And as an artist, I reeeeeeally like that my job gives me the luxury of unhooking my art from my financial “value.”
I underlined more things in this chapter than any other, I think. Chapter 11 might be worth the price of the book, people!
Creativity is a spiritual practice. It is not something that can be perfected, finished and set aside.
So just when you think you’re there, “there” disappears. I love that. The interminable “Now what?” Apparently, that’s normal! 🙂
I especially love the tasks that are assigned in this chapter. Julia talks about the importance of sports in a creative life. I’m not very sporty myself but I think the point she makes is really about how important it is to stay connected to our physical bodies! l don’t know about you but I spend an awful lot of time in my head. And it may seem like an appropriate way to be creative–thinking up new ideas and all. But as was the point of Chapter 7, it’s not so much about thinking something up as tapping into the river of things wanting to be created. And the truth is, after being involved in the development of Hopeful World’s Emotional Wisdom class, I can’t ignore my body wisdom! I find that gardening, dancing, yoga, baking, even just walking to work… usually gives me a shot of oxytocin, and some valuable insight.
So… staying connected to your body, nurturing your inner child, protecting your artist from the oogy boogey critics, building an artist’s altar… interestingly, these tasks seem to focus on staying connected to the things that feed your artist. This is how we stay autonomous.
There are some great check-in’s in this chapter too: look back on Chapter 4’s Honest Changes section and take an inventory of what has changed for you and in you since then.
Honestly, there are so many gems in here I might devote some extra posts to some of the activities for this chapter. Stay tuned…
Week 1: Recovering a Sense of Safety
Week 2: Recovering a Sense of Identity
Week 3: Recovering a Sense of Power
Week 4: Recovering a Sense of Integrity
Week 5: Recovering a Sense of Possibility
Week 6: Recovering a Sense of Abundance
Week 7: Recovering a Sense of Connection
Week 8: Recovering a Sense of Strength
Week 9: Recovering a Sense of Compassion
Week 10: Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection
Week 11: Recovering a Sense of Autonomy
Week 12: Recovering a Sense of Faith
I’m obsessed with the word SWEET! This was just pure fun. #48dayscreative
I’m finding that so much of this journey is discovering where you want to go—what you really and truly want to create. It sounds so trite on this side of that little piece of insight. But it’s so not plain when you start out. And how can it be?! We ask our kids at various times, what do you want to be when you grow up? And they answer astronauts and ballerinas and veterinarians but they have no idea what that really means other than the images they see in slick movie and TV shows. How are they supposed to know that getting to the moon requires all sorts of MATH?!!
I joke that I lost my way when I was around eight or nine and I realized that being a vet meant giving dogs shots and putting them down.
My new line of questioning is more along the lines of “What do you actually do… like describe your ideal day.” A lot of times people’s answers don’t necessarily match up with the fancy title they have as their “goal.”
I need quiet.
I need light.
I need a pretty space to work that I can call my own.
I love to do things with my hands.
I like the feeling of being connected to nature.
I love “parallel play” — working alongside others but working independently.
I want validation and appreciation.
I work best within a structure.
Occasional dance parties are good for my soul. 🙂
This list is a work in progress but it feels good being able to say these things… and even better realizing that this list very much reflects my current experience.
I can see the light the the end of the tunnel. Week 10. Can you believe it? Only 2 more to go. It’s weird to think about how much has changed, just since the beginning of the year. And yet, I am so impatient. I want “things” to happen faster! I think Oh my goodness, it’s already the end of March. The only thing that’s flying by is time. I want to be able to make more art and more listings and there never seems to be enough time. So there’s a part of me that’s saying Whew! Two more weeks and I’m done with AW but really, what does that mean? I’m still doing the morning pages and the artist’s dates… but I think I’m ready for a break in unearthing crap. Seriously. What’s come up for me recently is FEAR. I can see how much it drives my choices and my behavior and I know that I’m kinda afraid every week of what unconscious limiting belief I’m surely going to discover this week! So yeah, I’m ready for a break from THAT.
This week, Rediscovering Our Sense of Self-Protection… is about being totally honest about the things we do to keep ourselves blocked. Our addictions. You don’t have to have a substance abuse problem to be an addict. There are those of us who are addicted to food or controlling what we eat, exercise, work, approval, worrying… all sorts of things that keep us from looking at the real stuff — the stuff that makes us uncomfortable. I think those things I listed are especially challenging because they are not “poison” the way alcohol or drugs are. You can rationalize them to say they are good for you… like a low carb diet or exercise or fulfilling all your obligations or being a hard worker. But I think Julia’s point is that we still have to protect our art and our creativity from falling to the bottom of our list. If I’ve learned anything from this process it’s that we have to prioritize the things that bring us joy. Period. Otherwise, what’s the point.
So here we are in Week 10. What’s coming up for you? Have you kept up with your morning pages and artist’s dates? How do you feeeeel?
Week 1: Recovering a Sense of Safety
Week 2: Recovering a Sense of Identity
Week 3: Recovering a Sense of Power
Week 4: Recovering a Sense of Integrity
Week 5: Recovering a Sense of Possibility
Week 6: Recovering a Sense of Abundance
Week 7: Recovering a Sense of Connection
Week 8: Recovering a Sense of Strength
Week 9: Recovering a Sense of Compassion
Week 10: Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection
Week 11: Recovering a Sense of Autonomy
Week 12: Recovering a Sense of Faith
Keep going! Only 3 more chapters to go… which will mark the very first time I’ve made it all the way through The Artist’s Way. We can totally do this!
DON’T TURN BACK NOW! That’s the main gist of Chapter 9, actually. Julia shares lots of stories of people who consciously (or unconsciously) sabotage their creative lives. There are all sorts of ways that fear can start to undermine what we’re doing. It can present itself in different forms but when it comes down to it, it’s just plain ol’ fear. I’ve totally felt it… during Chapter 7, during Chapter 8 and now. This is the part where Coehlo’s “Beginner’s Luck” starts to run out and you are running and running and thinking omg, what was I thinking? There’s no end to this. I should just go back over there to my cozy little box and screw this Hero’s Journey nonsense! That’s for the movies! The real deal is way to hard, long, scary.
Stick with it.
Speaking of Hero’s Journey, there’s actually a part of that cycle that’s called Crossing the First Threshold. Perhaps this is it, the time when you meet some resistance that tests your commitment to the transformation you wished for. It’s when the universe tests you, saying Are you for real? If you’re for real, you’ll keep going.
Keep going!
I’m going to keep going. I hope you will to.
p.s. Wait. Where’s the compassion part? It’s in calling a spade a spade… you’re NOT lazy or unfocused or not committed or whatever judgements you are throwing at yourself right now about your artistic/creative life. You’re AFRAID! Call it what it is: FEAR. Name your fears, bring them into the light, love them and KEEP GOING! 😀 You’ve got this.
She says. To herself.
Week 1: Recovering a Sense of Safety
Week 2: Recovering a Sense of Identity
Week 3: Recovering a Sense of Power
Week 4: Recovering a Sense of Integrity
Week 5: Recovering a Sense of Possibility
Week 6: Recovering a Sense of Abundance
Week 7: Recovering a Sense of Connection
Week 8: Recovering a Sense of Strength
Week 9: Recovering a Sense of Compassion
Week 10: Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection
Week 11: Recovering a Sense of Autonomy
Week 12: Recovering a Sense of Faith
© Ria Sharon
I know, I know… one more thing?!
I’m telling you, I’m serious about #CRAFT!
What Leigh of All Creativelike said on her blog post really resonated with me:
I learned that sometimes when you really, really don’t feel like making anything, you make your best work. I learned that the combo of consistency and visibility lead to greater prosperity. I learned that creative devotion allows for new ideas to bubble up and new threads to be explored. And, I learned that just showing up and starting was a huge part of an artist’s job.
So, I’m in. This is actually DAY 2:
Here I am, writing my morning pages day after day (for the most part). Ninety nine percent of the time they make no sense. Mostly, they are a brain dump of to-do lists and even grocery lists. Sometimes they are total rants about stuff that frustrates me but would be completely unproductive to say out loud. They are not “creative,” they are not intentionally about nurturing creativity. But something is happening.
I think of the shift as mostly internal but in fact, things are actually happening… like, in the real world!
1. I am slowly and surely creating a body of work.
2. I have an Etsy store now (which I started just for accountability) with 50+ listings.
3. I am establishing a unique recognizable style.
4. I have sold 40+ prints online and off and even more exciting, my customers are so happy with the end product. I’ve even had a few repeat customers!
5. I also earned my storefront on Minted, which is still in process but getting there.
I’m getting a lot of validation—which is huge for my baby artist. It’s probably the most I’ve ever received for my art. And truly, that began… with me… and the morning pages… and the artist’s dates… and the fake-it-tip-you-make-it-faith-in-myself enough into making this thing as a priority.
All of this came up for me in Chapter 8—the realization of how much I have subjugated my passion to anything and anyone that has ever asked (or demanded) my time, energy and attention. I can see my pattern of wanting to please and wanting harmony and wanting to be supportive and wanting to do “the right thing” for what it is also—an excuse for me not to face my fear of rejection and keep that Art Dream up high on the shelf to save for later when I’m old and have time for such foolishness.
It’s not so easy, when there is the serious task of “being a grown-up” to attend to, especially a grown-up with my own kids to nurture. But the truth is, it is not impossible either (although the world/culture/people like to say otherwise). But first off, I have to want this dream and I have to really protect it. I’m finding that whatever issue I’m working out in this process is giving me the strength to stick to it.
In Chapter 8, Julia invites us to re-parent ourselves. That’s HUGE! In all the self-development/healing circles I’ve been in, this is it. Our early foundational relationships color everything.
Perhaps this is why I take my job as mom so seriously. I want to give my kids their best chance. That’s what it was all for… the divorce, the cultivation my tribe, the move, the job… and the extreme discomfort of working out my own crap. Truly. Even this art thing is for this purpose to some extent. I mean, how can I tell them to go for their dreams if I won’t do it for myself?!?!?
Funny, what you do for offspring.
So our marching orders for Chapter 8 are as follows:
1. Name your dream
2. Write down a tangible/measurable goal (that signifies that you have achieved it)
3. Do ONE thing. Every. Day. To move yourself closer to that dream.
Go!
Some of my stuff so far…
Week 1: Recovering a Sense of Safety
Week 2: Recovering a Sense of Identity
Week 3: Recovering a Sense of Power
Week 4: Recovering a Sense of Integrity
Week 5: Recovering a Sense of Possibility
Week 6: Recovering a Sense of Abundance
Week 7: Recovering a Sense of Connection
Week 8: Recovering a Sense of Strength
Week 9: Recovering a Sense of Compassion
Week 10: Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection
Week 11: Recovering a Sense of Autonomy
Week 12: Recovering a Sense of Faith
Ahhhhhhhh! Recovering a sense of connection. THAT is what this week’s chapter is about and that explains all sorts of things that are happening in my life re: what’s really really important to me and what are non-negotiables for my family, my relationships, my daily experience. It’s so good. And yet so hard! There’s the added bonus of doing The Artist’s Way, friends! Eek!
So the great thing about doing these posts is not only that I actually do them (although a few days late) but that I actually reflect on the chapter. How does that saying go? It’s not “You teach what you most need to learn, although that is true.” It’s more like teaching forces you to learn! ;P
I love what Julia says in this chapter about creativity NOT being about thinking something up as much as getting something down… dipping into the river of all this stuff just waiting to be written/drawn/painted/danced! Listening.
I experienced that this week. I gave myself a “minted-style” assignment to design an invitation and was totally and completely stuck. Until I stopped trying to think it up! Thinking was exactly the thing that was holding me back. When I get in my head, there’s all sorts of chatter up there that tries to analyze why something is not good enough or calculating and analyzing a hundred different ways to do it that will protect myself from doing the wrong thing so that I end up not doing anything at all!!! You don’t do that, do you?
I can totally see how being a Creative Director killed my creativity — in the name of excellent client service! It’s why the thought of being a corporate designer again makes me kinda want to puke in my mouth. This is why I really, really love my day job. It saves me from sabotaging my art. Does that make sense?
I don’t want to turn that part of my brain on in that way. I have to hold this art thing so lightly — like a little bird in my hand.
So here’s the question for the week: what would you do if you didn’t have to do it perfectly? And my own litmus test, what feels like a good idea?
I really liked some of Julia’s hit-and-run tasks too… things that you do quickly without much thought and then reflect on later. It’s a fabulous way to unearth patterns and hidden drivers and I love stuff like that.
1. Getting a stack of random magazines and tearing out pictures that reflect your life and interests. Set a timer for 20 minutes and rip away, collecting things that you are drawn to intuitively.
2. Quick, list your 5 favorite movies. Your five favorite songs. Your five favorite books.
3. List your favorite topics to read about (what headlines do you click on online)? 🙂
Little exercises like this are ways that we connect with our intuition. It’s nice to let our intuition drive the car once in awhile. For me, I hardly ever let that part get any air-time so when it happens, I’m actually a little surprised where she takes me.
Week 1: Recovering a Sense of Safety
Week 2: Recovering a Sense of Identity
Week 3: Recovering a Sense of Power
Week 4: Recovering a Sense of Integrity
Week 5: Recovering a Sense of Possibility
Week 6: Recovering a Sense of Abundance
Week 7: Recovering a Sense of Connection
Week 8: Recovering a Sense of Strength
Week 9: Recovering a Sense of Compassion
Week 10: Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection
Week 11: Recovering a Sense of Autonomy
Week 12: Recovering a Sense of Faith
This week you tackle a major creative block—money. You are asked to really look at your own ideas around God, money, and creative abundance. Th essays will explore the ways in which your attitudes limit abundance and luxury in your current life. You will be introduced to counting, a block-busting tool for clarity and right use of funds. This week may feel volatile.
There you have it. Week 6 is rich!!!! ;P
Our morning pages assignment is to write about the God we believe in.
Who is the God I believe in?
I believe that God actually does listen. And that’s what freaks me out. I feel like God answers prayers and it’s my own limited perspective and/or limitations or brokenness or whatever that messes me up. God gives me what I ask for sometimes… that’s the problem… I get enough rope to hang myself! 🙂 … which is why I am so gun shy on wishing. Be careful what you wish for, and all that.
Of course, there are times when I’ve prayed so earnestly for something and have NOT gotten what I’ve wanted. In those times, I wonder if that’s because God knows better (see above). So my issues around God are not exactly the ones Julia talks about in Chapter 6 re: God’s will and ours being at opposite ends of the table.
What kind of God would I like to believe in?
The kind that has my back, that isn’t just going to let me all crazy in the candy store. You know, Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans that I have for you….” one that reassures me all I need to do is keep showing up in the world as myself, staying true to my values and that somehow, the lights will stay on, I can put food on the table, straighten my kids teeth and buy them both ponies! Just kidding about the ponies.
I want a God on my side. I wonder what what choices I would make if I believed this, for reals.
Tasks
1. Counting: Write down every. single. penny you spend. See how long you can do this… maybe for the next month. Notice the patterns and what this reveals about you to yourself. What do you value in terms of your spending? How does that align with your values. Remember your boundaries… what’s inside and outside of your circles? Are you surprised that you spend money on things that you don’t cherish? And deny yourself things that are important to you?
2. Luxury: What feels luxurious to you? A bath, a piece of chocolate, clean sheets, listening to music? I listened to an interview with one of the richest men on the planet who, not surprisingly, lived very simply. He said something along the lines of the things he enjoyed most of all were free: reading a book, listening to music, engaging in interesting conversations.
Along these lines, one of Julia’s tasks for us is to receive some natural abundance: find an interesting rock, one each day. It’s winter so flowers won’t be easy to find in most of North America right now but maybe seed pods or acorns. Send cards to five friends you’d love to hear from—yes, with a stamp.
We cling to our financial concerns as a way to avoid not only our art but also our spiritual growth. Our faith is in the dollar.
~Julia Cameron
p.s. A scan from my sketchbook. I little preview of things to come…
Week 1: Recovering a Sense of Safety
Week 2: Recovering a Sense of Identity
Week 3: Recovering a Sense of Power
Week 4: Recovering a Sense of Integrity
Week 5: Recovering a Sense of Possibility
Week 6: Recovering a Sense of Abundance
Week 7: Recovering a Sense of Connection
Week 8: Recovering a Sense of Strength
Week 9: Recovering a Sense of Compassion
Week 10: Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection
Week 11: Recovering a Sense of Autonomy
Week 12: Recovering a Sense of Faith
It’s been a crazy week. Everyone was sick. But for accountabilities sake, I wanted to post what I’ve been up to. I finished this piece last weekend:
“Pray to catch the bus then run as fast as you can.”
Creativity is a spiritual issue. This.
This here, my friends, is the crux of Chapter 5. And probably why I’m having all sorts of issues writing about it. The title of the chapter is Recovering a Sense of Possibility and that is tied up with all sorts of other things like worthiness and propriety and faith….
This may be where I throw in the towel and say, yeah, you should go buy the book because I’m not going to come close to doing it justice. I’ll do my best.
I supposed there’s no way to write about creativity without reference to the Creator–with a capital C. Perhaps you know this feeling too when you are writing, singing, painting, dancing—of not being the only one it the room. According to Julia, this is where our sense of possibility comes from, the belief that we are not limited by our own abilities. Through our connection to Source, we are truly unlimited! Our job is to tap into that river of possibility.
In order for me to recover this sense of possibility, I have to accept that I have access to this unlimited supply, just like you or anyone else does. Any limitations I have are based on a belief system of scarcity and lack that I’ve inherited or learned. This, Julia says, is not natural and not real.
But I do get some kind of secondary benefit(s) from maintaining this belief system. So the task of this chapter is to unearth the ways I sabotage myself to stay stuck. Hmmmm.
If I stay stuck then…
I suppose I wouldn’t have to put my art out there and have it be rejected.
I wouldn’t have to turn my art into work.
I wouldn’t have to take this thing that I loved and “produce it” to death (as Ira Glass says).
I would have to be a grown-up artist, whatever that is.
I might have to embrace an artist’s life, and you know I had/have all those ideas about what that is.
I also might have to give up some stuff… like acceptance and belonging. Whut?
Our culture puts a lot of value in being nice, good, unselfish, helpful. We give up so much of ourselves, our energy, our time just so that we can be perceived by our spouses, children, co-workers and parents as… those things. But at what cost? If we are not conscious of it, at the cost of our art and that true self of ours. I guess that’s why so many artists are known for being curmudgeony hermits! This is all in the book, I swear.
So if I were to pretend for a minute that I’m NOT nice or good but rather selfish and unhelpful, what would I do?
These are the questions Julia asks of us. If you are doing this, speed write your answers — quickly, answer as fast as you can, no editing allowed!
• What are five things I would try if they weren’t so crazy?
• What are five things I would do if they weren’t too selfish?
• What are 5 things I love and would love to do but am not allowed to do.
And, finish this sentence…. 20 times!
I wish ___________________________________________
This list of “forbidden joys” is your true self talking. Is it surprising? Julia says she’s astonished at how mean and miserly her students are to themselves!!!
So by doing stuff like writing down wish lists down and entertaining possibilities (yes, daydreaming) Julia says we begin to reconnect with Source and thus, creativity. I know, I keep saying “Julia says” because in all honestly, I’m a work in progress on this. I am a teeter totter, going from extremes of faith and doubt.
The only thing I seem to do consistently is just show up: writing, drawing, making.
“Pray to catch the bus then run as fast as you can.” I can do that. This is, after all, my theme word for 2015: Craft.
I can keep running.
When the bus shows up, I’m always a little surprised. 🙂
Week 1: Recovering a Sense of Safety
Week 2: Recovering a Sense of Identity
Week 3: Recovering a Sense of Power
Week 4: Recovering a Sense of Integrity
Week 5: Recovering a Sense of Possibility
Week 6: Recovering a Sense of Abundance
Week 7: Recovering a Sense of Connection
Week 8: Recovering a Sense of Strength
Week 9: Recovering a Sense of Compassion
Week 10: Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection
Week 11: Recovering a Sense of Autonomy
Week 12: Recovering a Sense of Faith
